Recently my dear friend Judi asked me if I felt losing Keith was my cross to bear.
Here is the long and short of my answer...it's not a cross, it's a blessing.
About 4 weeks after Keith died, a dear friend who is a fellow widow called the place we are in "a privilege." Now, at this point in my journey, Keith had been gone just a bit of time and Christmas was around the corner. I was not feeling privilege, I can tell you.
But I did remember; I did ponder those words.
I gotta be honest. Some days stink. It is really hard to be a single mom. Some days, even now, I ache for Keith's arms around me.
But, yes, I believe it. It is privilege.
Joy in the journey.
God is there. At night. When I have tough decisions to make. Raising the boys. When hard stuff happens. When good stuff happens. When I am hurt. When I am happy. When I am scared. When I am confident.
The boys have learned things about the provision of God, the sovereignty of God, the love of God that Keith and I could not have taught them together. They know that they know that they know. They have seen and tasted that the Lord is good.
I have gotten to see God work in the lives of people simply because He gave me this great need and the foresight to let them in to help.
I have gotten to cry with others on this journey, knowing what they are feeling. And also to laugh with them.
I have grown and changed...a butterfly out of a cocoon, able now to go different places than I could go before.
I know my Lord better...closer...dearer.
And that changes my whole perspective.
I have always thought of the cross as a place of pain and suffering, and it certainly was that.
But...maybe...it was also a place of joy because Christ knew that through it, the redemption of the world would happen. He could see beyond the moments to the big picture.
I don't compare my suffering to that of Christ in any way, shape, or form. That would be pure arrogance.
But the changes wrought in me...and I do mean wrought...have made a difference. And in that I can glory.
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.- Romans 8:18