Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Paving Stones

We have a group of widows (and a few widowers) who meet together a couple times a month for support.

This group has been invaluable in my life for healing...and to create a sense of normalcy.

Right after Keith died, God was gracious enough to give me 5...yes 5...new friends who were widows.  I met these ladies in a variety of ways:  friend of friends.  Meeting with them was wonderful in those first months of loneliness, pain, confusion, etc., etc., etc.  They had only a few things in common:  the Lord, me, and the 300-lb gorilla of widowhood.

Realizing what a joy this is...and being of a sort of Julie-the-Cruise-Director mentality, I organized them to start meeting together.  Our times are mostly fellowship, but it is fellowship without the awkwardness.  We get each other. 

All of us have in our lives dear friends and family who want so badly to help, but are just not sure what to say, how to say it, how to be supportive.  They are not sure how to deal with us on this grief path.  And they have no idea how to lead us.

Sometimes you can almost see their inner turmoil.  Do I laugh at the jokes?  Will there be tears?  What is the proper response both she...and I...should make here?  What if she wants to talk about sex or dating?

It would be funny if it weren't so painful--for all involved.

Our group is called Travelers on a Different Journey.  We did not choose to be here, but we rest in God to get us through, trust in Him for all things, and lean on each other to guide the way.  The fellowship in the Lord is sweet, the people sweeter.  We have around 25 involved in the ministry.

My sweet friend Theresa, widowed 14 months before me, puts it this way, "I may not be able to pave a smooth road for you, but I can tell you where the potholes are so you can avoid them, or at least slow down."

And this group works!

It is never more evident than on a light like last night. 

We met for dinner at PF Changs (yum!).  One of the gals brought a friend, Wanda, who was widowed not quite a year ago who had not yet met the group of us.

Well, Wanda fit right in!  We gained a sister, and she gained a group of them.  I know that my journey will be a little sweeter for my association with her, and pray that hers will be as well by association with us.

Life is hard.  Sometimes it is harder.  But God is good and He is there every step of the way, to provide paving stones to smooth our path.

I am so thankful for my pavers!!

I pray you see the pavers He has provided along your journey.

And of course, that you know and trust the ultimate Paving Stone...Jesus Christ! 

I will give You thanks, for You answered me; You have become my salvation.  The stone the builders rejected has become the Cornerstone; the Lord has done this, and it is marvelous in our eyes. 
-- Psalm 118:21-23

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Testimony Today

I gave a testimony at our church this morning:




Testimony 11-11-12

            Today, I am grateful for many things.

            First of all, today is Veteran’s Day, a day dedicated to those brave enough, devoted enough, to be willing to put themselves in harm’s way for the sake of others.  I praise God for the men and women willing to be of service to their country, regardless of the cost.  There are many veterans in this room.  Thank you for your service to this great country of ours.

            Today is also my 17th wedding anniversary.  Two days ago, Friday, was the 5th anniversary of Keith’s graduation to Glory.

            Today, for me, is bittersweet…but mostly sweet.

            It is in this loss that our family has really learned to be grateful.  

            I have much to be grateful for in having been married to such a wonderful, Godly husband.  His Christian example has helped to make the boys and me into the people we are today, and his dedication to Christ and Christian principles have allowed us to go on without him…and even to thrive.

            I look around this congregation and see much to be grateful for as well. 
 
            Several of you were there on the day Keith and I married.  You have been with us since the beginning, welcoming each of our boys in succession, watching us grow and change with each passing year. 

            I see even more who have been there every step of the way since Keith’s death.

            In these past five years, the boys and I have confidently, consistently, completely felt your support and love.

            Whether it was Mother’s Day or birthday gifts, home and car repairs, or support for the boys as they become men, this congregation has listened to the Holy Spirit’s prompting and helped out my family.
            That’s what community is supposed to be…the church as described in Acts.
            I can never fully express what that means to me…and to them.

            Mostly, though, on this day I am grateful to a God who loves me in spite of my failings with a passion that I learn more of each day.  He holds me in the palm of His hand…and He always will.  He loves me enough to hone the rough edges…and to make glory out of my ashes.  He quite literally floors me with His love.
            I am thankful that in my grief and sorrow, He has not left me but instead has allowed me to grow ever closer to Him, being my Husband in a new and special way. 

            I have learned many lessons over the past 5 years.  Some of them have been painful; some of them have been very painful.  But the most important lesson my family and I have learned is that God is always there.  On the good days, on the bad days, in the middle of the night, on the road trips, as the boys grow.  Always.

            And I am grateful.  So, so grateful.




Friday, November 9, 2012

Five Years...Wow!

Five years ago today, my beloved husband journeyed on to Glory.

So much has changed in that time...yet so much has stayed the same.

When Keith died:
  • there were no IPads and the IPhone was brand new
  • we had not had an African American president
  • Osama Bin Laden was still at large
  • Haiti had not been severely damaged by an earthquake and Japan had not suffered a tsunami
  • we had not suffered a good-sized earthquake in Northern Virginia
  • Kosovo had not declared itself an independent country and been recognized as such
  • Facebook, Twitter, and blogs were not commonly used by everyone and did not provide a major vehicle for communication
  • the housing market was slipping but had not crashed
In our own family:
  • I was still taller than all of my children
  • we did not have a dog at all, much less two
  • Jackson and Tanner could not read
  • Alex did not play guitar and had no interest in being in the praise band
  • we were not out for much of anything past 7:30 at night
  • I did not get up at 5:00 to spend precious quiet time with Jesus every morning
  • we did not have company at every holiday, and any time we could think of an occasion to have people over
Yet so many things have stayed the same:
  • I am blessed and  privileged to still be able to homeschool my boys
  • I live in the same home, the dream home Keith so lovingly painted with all 17 paint colors I wanted
  • I have friends who have stuck by me for these five years, taking care of me and the boys, from the moment Keith died until now
  • Our church continues to be a home and a haven, blessing us and allowing us to bless them
  • God is still God - in His heaven, in control, in my corner, in my life...each and every day, and in each and every situation
  • I am His beloved daughter and by His grace I can stand - each and every day
And because of these blessings...because of this God and His love for little old me, I can have survived these five years.

And, by His grace, I will survive many more. 

As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise You more and more.  My mouth will tell of Your righteous deeds, of Your saving acts all day long—though I know not how to relate them all. -- Psalm 71:14-15

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Like Glue

Another lesson on perspective yesterday.  (Note to self:  all of life is really a lesson in perspective.)

I walked a few minutes later than I normally do and therefore got to talk to my friend Renee after Joel got on the bus.  Great conversation!  Love getting to know this sweet sister in Christ!

Before our conversation ended, Carol and the other Renee came up as well.  I got to introduce these precious women to each other (yay!)...and to invite Renee to our Bible study (here were walking examples in Carol and the other Renee of the ladies in our group)!

God is so gracious!

Before Keith died, this Martha-to-the-max probably would not have taken the time to get to know any of these women.  I would have been too focused on my schedule, my kids, my life.

Not on the greater community.

Now, none of my prior focuses were bad.  In fact, God gave me charge of those things to steward.  They were, and are, my primary responsibility.

But the world has gotten smaller and bigger at the same time since Keith died.  I can and should do more.

I see another call on my life...being glue.

I met Carol and the first Renee simply by walking.  We have lived just a couple blocks from each other for years, but met because of speaking to each other while walking.  I gained acquaintanceship with two sisters in Christ!

Now, due to walking (and my big mouth), they now know each other.  The community grows!

Christ had twelve intimates, but I don't see any evidence that He ever turned down getting to know another person.

I praise God that we can grow in community in the same way...simply by walking and being open to the people we meet along the way!

And this is love:  that we walk in obedience to His commands. As you have heard from the beginning, His command is that you walk in love. -- 2 John 1:6