This weekend, we have slated to clean out the storage room in the basement. More cheers from the boys about this task (well, really, not so much). It needs to be done, though.
We have a lot of room for storage in our house. That is both good and bad. I have been able to, at the boys' request, keep all Keith's clothes until they get older and can wear them. I can also store the myriad of things needed to homeschool...tubs and tubs of books. I also have my own little consignment shop of the hand-me-downs, ready and waiting as each boy grows. Great blessings, all of those.
It also means I have been able to keep all kinds of things that we really don't need, really could pass on to someone else. Some things have sentimental value, passed down my my late mother, or Keith's late father, or Keith himself...but perhaps no value beyond that. Some are outgrown and unused, from a time when my children were younger and had different interests. Good stuff and not-so-good stuff intermingled in a disorganized mess.
So...we are taking stock and letting go. The goal is no extra stuff. Not sure if we will achieve this rather lofty goal, but there it is.
I have come to realize, though, that, in God's economy, there is no extra stuff.
This widow journey is long and fraught with hard stuff. Just now, my stresses are money-oriented. I long for Keith's "boy brain" to muddle through some of the decisions that my "girl brain" has a hard time with!
But this is merely the tip of the iceberg. I could present a diatribe about all the stuff I go through. You may be able to guess at some of it, but until you are there, you really don't know. I know I didn't. Even now, five years later, stuff still crops up that hits me like a ton of bricks.
But...it didn't hit God like a ton of bricks.
He knew everything that was going to happen to me on this widow journey...on this coming day...at the time of my formation (Psalm 139:16).
He knew that I would struggle...and fail...in certain areas and would
succeed in others...and He let me go through the areas so that I could
(1 Corinthians 10:12-14; Romans 3:23).
He knew that, though it is hard, hard, hard some days, good would come of all that has happened and is happening to us (Romans 8:28).
And He knew what outcome would happen...what all this would bring about in my life and the lives of those who know me...and even those who know of me.
And I pray that what they see...and what I see when I look in the mirror...is not some silly creature who makes a lot of mistakes, who worries about too much, who is very grounded in the world and its workings.
I pray they don't see the stuff I am swamped by...but...instead...see the Lord.
That makes it all worth it...for me and whomever comes after me!
My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. - Job 42:5