Thursday, May 24, 2012

Teetering Through Life

Sometimes I sin against my children.  Big, glaring sins.

I'm not proud of it.  I'm not trying to glorify it.  But it happens.

And it's not because I'm a single mom.  At least, not directly.

A dear friend had me over to tea this past Saturday to have the "are you taking on too much?" talk.  Praise God for friends who will listen to God and call me on stuff!

I don't think I am taking on too much.  But I'm teetering on the edge.

Remember those little birds of glass, complete with red hat and red liquid inside?  You watch and watch the swaying and eventually that swaying turns to tipping.

And my children get caught in the fallout.

When taking on a new project, I sometimes use the justification that I have no husband to care for, so I have additional ministry time.  That is a true statement.

What I sometimes fail to remember in my equation of time is that I wear both hats in my family, and when I start swaying close to the tipping point, I have no one to pass off the excess to, no one to step in and even temporarily take something off my plate. The swaying of this constant balancing act of managing my life becomes top-heavy and I tip.

My stress level manifests itself as intolerance with my children.  I am mad at me, but I take it out on them.

More fallout.

And I feel broken and like a horrible mother and a horrible witness.

This happens more than I would care to admit.

When it does, it is time for a deep breath, a cup of coffee, some praise music, and lots of prayer.  It is time to have a day of chucking the schedule and just enjoy being a family, watching funny movies and staying in our pajamas all day.  It is time for thanking God for His grace and the fact that I have truly grace-filled children who cut me slack. 

I am sure I will get to the tipping point again.  Life is like that.  I only pray that when I do, I will handle it with more grace myself, and not create so much fallout for my family.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. - 1 John 1:9

1 comment:

  1. Liz, you sound like every woman I know, myself included. Hang in there! It's a learning process, a 101 we are all taking. LOVE YOU and PRAYING FOR YOU! :)