What's in a Name?

This year, as I have become more serious about walking, a whole new world of names has opened up to me.

I now have conversations that involve the words 'shoe last' and 'wicking fabric' and 'yoga head wrap and 'polar fleece'  I have brand knowledge of such brands as Reebok©, Adidas©, Champion©, Polartec©, New Balance©, and PrAna©, to name a few. 

It is a whole new world!

But...especially at this time of year...I cannot help but think of other names...names that are infinitely more important...

Names like Wonderful Counselor, Everlasting Father, Mighty God, Prince of Peace...

This year as we prepare to celebrate the birth of our Savior, the boys and I are working our way through Carol Garborg's The Family Book of Advent (http://www.christianbook.com/advent-stories-activities-celebrate-meaning-christmas/carol-garborg/9781609365417/pd/365417?product_redirect=1&Ntt=365417&item_code=&Ntk=keywords&event=ESRCP).  Each day, we read devotions, complete object lesson activities...and write the names of our Lord and Savior to hang on a wreath (we are doing a tree instead).

Each time we hit a "name alert" in the book, we are reminded of the richness, the completeness, the depth of love our Lord has for us.  He came to live and die so He would understand us...and so He could save us.  Mind blowing, when you think about it.

And much, much more important than walking gear.

I pray the whole world sees that!

For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus, every knee will bow, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. -Philippians 2:9-11

In the Pink

This morning I got up extra early to work on getting our day together.  I knew we had a lot on our plate:

• hair cuts
• Christmas crafts for relatives
• Christmas cards
• Christmas baking
• youth band practice

Not to mention:

• house cleaning for our weekend company
• homeschooling
• the 5-6 loads of laundry (I have lost count) that are on my bed to fold

Too much for one day!  I hurriedly complete my Bible study (sorry, Beth) and start on the planning of this hairy day.  The Amy Grant song I Need A Silent Night ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRSSsNbF29I) is running through my mind.

I endeavor to persevere.  I plan the day down to the moments and get ready for the boys to get up so we can hit the ground running.

Then...

Jackson gets up and comes down...he's got pink eye.

Ugh.

Now, this was not entirely unexpected.  I had started my day Tuesday with a run to the doc-in-the-box around the corner from the house with Tanner..  Since then, we have been washing hands furiously and peeking at everyone's eyelids.

I thought we had dodged the bullet this time, and that Tanner was going to be the only one down with it.  Nope.

Next, checked Alex's eyelids...pink eye starting there, too.  Matthew...same scenario.

Obviously my carefully planned schedule is out the window.  Regroup, regroup...

And someone (Someone?) has just turned up the volume of Amy Grant in my ear...

I've done it again, haven't I, Lord?

Single parenthood is never easy, but especially not if you try to be Supermom, creating the best. Christmas. ever.

I know better than this!  Really, I do!

Yet it happens again and again that I get myself too deeply planned, too tightly stretched...

Not good for anyone.

And that is when God steps in...and gives me a time out...this time in the form of pink eye.

Instead of the crazy rushing around, my day now involves movies and jammies and an afternoon nap...and maybe some of those Christmas crafts and that laundry to fold.

Sorry, Lord, for doing it again...and again...and again.

Thanks, Lord, for loving me enough to get me out of my stress-mess via a time out.

Now I have to check my own eyelids...praying that other shoe does not fall.

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord.  “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." - Isaiah 55:8-9

Up In Flames

Last week, while visiting my folks, my dad and I took a ride in the golf cart.

First, we smelled a funny, plastic-y kind of smell.  "What's that smell, Dad?"

"Not sure."  He keeps driving the golf cart, telling me about the houses we are passing.

"The smell is not going away, Dad..."

He keeps driving.

"Daddy, there's smoke!"

Now he stops the golf cart and we get out.

Dad pulls up the seat...and flames come out!

We send a passer-by to the gate house a few hundred feet away for the fire extinguisher.

By the time this gentleman returns, the cart is fully engulfed in flames, and we run to the gatehouse to have them call the fire department.

The fire department comes to put out the blaze, leaving only a charred pile of plastic and a bit of metal that has to be scraped from the road.

Five minutes...just five minutes...and the golf cart lay in ruins.

How equally quickly my attitude can go up in flames!

I can be sailing along, leaving the future to God, not feeling pressure and stress, holding firmly to God's hand...when out of the blue...

Flames!  Smoke!  Meltdown!

I have to ask myself...why?

My dad's fire was caused by a battery issue.  Could the cause of mine be the same?

Did I recharge with my daily dose of Godly encouragement through Bible reading and study?  Have I spent enough time on maintenance, seeking from the Lord what about me needs to change? 

In those instances of "fire," the answer is...probably not.

While I am not sure whether my dad's golf cart fire could be prevented, I am pretty sure my "fire" could have been.

I resolve to work harder at the PM (preventative maintenance) to avoid the fires...and their consequences of burning me and others.

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth. - 2 Timothy 2:15

Unpacking Christmas

It is the beginning of December and that means the annual frenzy to get the house ready for the season.

Right now, it looks like Christmas threw up.  Not a pretty sight.  Boxes are strewn everywhere.  There is foam and fake pine needles all over the floor, and half-done shopping lists and baking lists cover the counter.  You can barely move without having to shift something else first.  I rush around, doing one thing, until I spy another that needs to be done just as much, and stop and tackle that.  The boys try to be helpful where they can, but they don't think like me (imagine that).  (Actually, that is a great blessing.)

Currently I am unpacking the boxes of ornaments for the "family" tree.

And in this activity, I get my first Christmas miracle.

This is the tree of memories.  I have the pretty tree in the living room, but this tree holds my heart.

I unpack ornaments that graced my tree as a child:  a knitted stocking Mom made, needlepoint I did, wooden Santas as old as the hills that may have even come from Mom's tree growing up, my grandmother's Hallmark carousel ornaments.  I praise God that I grew up in the family that I did, with love and joy all around, and with Christmas memories that still bring me to tears.

I unpack the first Christmas ornaments that my mom so lovingly picked out for me and Keith, and Christmas ornaments that we got for our wedding from the Huffs and the Fontaines.  I praise God for a loving husband.  Even though he went home to Glory early, I would not have traded one moment with him.

I unpack the ornaments made by the boys over the years.  Some are crude and falling apart, but they make me smile.  I praise God for loving children, who love God, and who love me, despite my cranky days.

I unpack ornaments that Shari and Julie helped my boys to make a year after Keith died, the presents they gave me that year.  I praise God for friends who care enough to make my Christmas special.

I unpack a bell from Becky's wedding, and bluebirds from Courtney's, favors that have graced my tree since those blessed events.  I think back to the beautiful brides they were and praise God for their marriages and their children.

And then I find it.  It doesn't look like much, but to me, it is priceless.  Aunt Hilda gave my sister and me each one...can't even remember when.  It is about 1" x 1/2" x 2"...Mary, Joseph, and Jesus in a little glass box.  From the time I was little, I just knew looking at this ornament that it was real...He had been here as a baby, and a man, for me.

And that is the greatest miracle of all.

I pray that this moment can stay fresh in my mind through this entire Christmas season.

For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.  - John 3:16

Paving Stones

We have a group of widows (and a few widowers) who meet together a couple times a month for support.

This group has been invaluable in my life for healing...and to create a sense of normalcy.

Right after Keith died, God was gracious enough to give me 5...yes 5...new friends who were widows.  I met these ladies in a variety of ways:  friend of friends.  Meeting with them was wonderful in those first months of loneliness, pain, confusion, etc., etc., etc.  They had only a few things in common:  the Lord, me, and the 300-lb gorilla of widowhood.

Realizing what a joy this is...and being of a sort of Julie-the-Cruise-Director mentality, I organized them to start meeting together.  Our times are mostly fellowship, but it is fellowship without the awkwardness.  We get each other. 

All of us have in our lives dear friends and family who want so badly to help, but are just not sure what to say, how to say it, how to be supportive.  They are not sure how to deal with us on this grief path.  And they have no idea how to lead us.

Sometimes you can almost see their inner turmoil.  Do I laugh at the jokes?  Will there be tears?  What is the proper response both she...and I...should make here?  What if she wants to talk about sex or dating?

It would be funny if it weren't so painful--for all involved.

Our group is called Travelers on a Different Journey.  We did not choose to be here, but we rest in God to get us through, trust in Him for all things, and lean on each other to guide the way.  The fellowship in the Lord is sweet, the people sweeter.  We have around 25 involved in the ministry.

My sweet friend Theresa, widowed 14 months before me, puts it this way, "I may not be able to pave a smooth road for you, but I can tell you where the potholes are so you can avoid them, or at least slow down."

And this group works!

It is never more evident than on a light like last night. 

We met for dinner at PF Changs (yum!).  One of the gals brought a friend, Wanda, who was widowed not quite a year ago who had not yet met the group of us.

Well, Wanda fit right in!  We gained a sister, and she gained a group of them.  I know that my journey will be a little sweeter for my association with her, and pray that hers will be as well by association with us.

Life is hard.  Sometimes it is harder.  But God is good and He is there every step of the way, to provide paving stones to smooth our path.

I am so thankful for my pavers!!

I pray you see the pavers He has provided along your journey.

And of course, that you know and trust the ultimate Paving Stone...Jesus Christ! 

I will give You thanks, for You answered me; You have become my salvation.  The stone the builders rejected has become the Cornerstone; the Lord has done this, and it is marvelous in our eyes. 

-- Psalm 118:21-23

Testimony Today

I gave a testimony at our church this morning:

Testimony 11-11-12

            Today, I am grateful for many things.

            First of all, today is Veteran’s Day, a day dedicated to those brave enough, devoted enough, to be willing to put themselves in harm’s way for the sake of others.  I praise God for the men and women willing to be of service to their country, regardless of the cost.  There are many veterans in this room.  Thank you for your service to this great country of ours.

            Today is also my 17^th wedding anniversary.  Two days ago, Friday, was the 5^th anniversary of Keith’s graduation to Glory.

            Today, for me, is bittersweet…but mostly sweet.

            It is in this loss that our family has really learned to be grateful.  

            I have much to be grateful for in having been married to such a wonderful, Godly husband.  His Christian example has helped to make the boys and me into the people we are today, and his dedication to Christ and Christian principles have allowed us to go on without him…and even to thrive.

            I look around this congregation and see much to be grateful for as well. 

 

            Several of you were there on the day Keith and I married.  You have been with us since the beginning, welcoming each of our boys in succession, watching us grow and change with each passing year. 

            I see even more who have been there every step of the way since Keith’s death.

            In these past five years, the boys and I have confidently, consistently, completely felt your support and love.

            Whether it was Mother’s Day or birthday gifts, home and car repairs, or support for the boys as they become men, this congregation has listened to the Holy Spirit’s prompting and helped out my family.

            That’s what community is supposed to be…the church as described in Acts.

            I can never fully express what that means to me…and to them.

            Mostly, though, on this day I am grateful to a God who loves me in spite of my failings with a passion that I learn more of each day.  He holds me in the palm of His hand…and He always will.  He loves me enough to hone the rough edges…and to make glory out of my ashes.  He quite literally floors me with His love.

            I am thankful that in my grief and sorrow, He has not left me but instead has allowed me to grow ever closer to Him, being my Husband in a new and special way. 

            I have learned many lessons over the past 5 years.  Some of them have been painful; some of them have been very painful.  But the most important lesson my family and I have learned is that God is always there.  On the good days, on the bad days, in the middle of the night, on the road trips, as the boys grow.  Always.

            And I am grateful.  So, so grateful.

Five Years...Wow!

Five years ago today, my beloved husband journeyed on to Glory.

So much has changed in that time...yet so much has stayed the same.

When Keith died:

• there were no IPads and the IPhone was brand new
• we had not had an African American president
• Osama Bin Laden was still at large
• Haiti had not been severely damaged by an earthquake and Japan had not suffered a tsunami
• we had not suffered a good-sized earthquake in Northern Virginia
• Kosovo had not declared itself an independent country and been recognized as such
• Facebook, Twitter, and blogs were not commonly used by everyone and did not provide a major vehicle for communication
• the housing market was slipping but had not crashed

In our own family:

• I was still taller than all of my children
• we did not have a dog at all, much less two
• Jackson and Tanner could not read
• Alex did not play guitar and had no interest in being in the praise band
• we were not out for much of anything past 7:30 at night
• I did not get up at 5:00 to spend precious quiet time with Jesus every morning
• we did not have company at every holiday, and any time we could think of an occasion to have people over

Yet so many things have stayed the same:

• I am blessed and  privileged to still be able to homeschool my boys
• I live in the same home, the dream home Keith so lovingly painted with all 17 paint colors I wanted
• I have friends who have stuck by me for these five years, taking care of me and the boys, from the moment Keith died until now
• Our church continues to be a home and a haven, blessing us and allowing us to bless them
• God is still God - in His heaven, in control, in my corner, in my life...each and every day, and in each and every situation
• I am His beloved daughter and by His grace I can stand - each and every day

And because of these blessings...because of this God and His love for little old me, I can have survived these five years.

And, by His grace, I will survive many more. 

As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise You more and more.  My mouth will tell of Your righteous deeds, of Your saving acts all day long—though I know not how to relate them all. -- Psalm 71:14-15